Christmas went great

Christmas was wonderfull , we spend it with my Family and finally told them it is a Boy .
We bought a card where u can record ur own message and gave it to my parents on Christmas eve . The message said Merry Christmas from the 3 of us , Meike ,Steve and ur Grandson Ben .
To say they were shocked is a understatment , the first Boy in the family for generations . And then the hugging and congratulation started , they made plan for what we will do when Ben is here , what to buy for him and how they will have to get used to changing a boy .

DH bought me the best present ever , a home doppler , I can listen to his HB whenever I need reasurrence that Ben is OK when he is not moving much .
And boy is he started to move , little pokes pretty much every day now .
My Niece even said she could feel him move when she put her hand on my tummy .

I really love being pregnant and feeling him move about , this is worth all the aches , heartburn and other little pains that the pregnancy brings with it .

Midwife Check Up

Went for a check up today , was a bit nervous because Baby didn't move a lot yesterday . And when she looked for the HB it took a bit to find and it sounded distant , which might be because he moves as soon as there is pressure on my tummy and the placents in in the front/side on my Tummy . Anyway HB was 128 and Midwife siad that was a good HB .
Since I got back had some more movment and a few kicks :) , Baby really knows how to freak Mama out .

21 Weeks

I think I'm staring to feel more movment but still being cautious to say it out loud (if this makes any sence )
Last few days been feeling a bit under the weather and worried , with my history of depression I will have to keep a eye on it . FX it will pass soon .

Team Blue

Had my U/S yesterday , first we had to wait over an Hour , got told it might take some time but there was only one person in front of me and soembody else who didn't have a appiontment .

When we walked in to the room and I lay down , I was getting nervous again
What if something is wrong with Baby ? Is it really a Boy ? Is it still alive ?
The M/C last year was on my mind and I was holding my breath when she put the little handheld thingy on my belly .

And there Baby was lying still for once (probably sleeping) and the little heart beating away . She started measuring the brain , the back , kidneys and legs , when she started on the heart but couldn't get a good look . So on she went to the arm and because Baby was lying on its side , she started to shake my belly with the thingy to make it move , which it did and back to the heart to get a better look .


By then she was pushing and jiggeling to make baby turn but it's a stuporn little person , so I had to get up and run up and down stairs , jump around to get it to turn . To no avail , no mather what Baby was not turning .

Doc got some more messurments she needed bt not the heart and no 3d face shot , but after my little talk with baby , telling it if somebody prodes the belly to open it's legs , it did IT'S A BOY

The first in my Family and the first in DH family since he was born .
Everything looked fine and only have to go back to take another look at the heart if my Ob wants me too ,which I don't really mind at all ; )

20 Weeks today

Halfway through the Pregnancy , some part feels really happy and some part really sad that it will be over soon . And then there is the feeling * I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GONNA HAVE A BABY * I know I should be used to being pregnant by now but it still surprises me when people say Congrats or comment on my tummy .
I feel like a Imposter and any second somebody starts to scream ~ She is a fake ~
No real kicks yet , loads more strange pocking which could be gas or some round ligament pain , too scared to say that is Baby and then find out on the next U/S that soemthing is wrong .

Maybe it's cause it took so long to get here that I'm worried it could be taken away any second , if I get to confident .

So 2 days to go till I get to see my Baby again and hopefully not long till I get the proper first Kick .

U/S UPDATE
Had a U/S at 18 + weeks to meet my new Ob , sadly she/he ? wasen't there BUT still got to see my baby again . And the Doc took a genderguess looks like a Boy , coudln't tell for sure cause Baby wa smoving around so much .
People ask me if I can feel baby move and I really don't know . It scares me a little because so many Women in my DDC are talking about movment and there is nothing where I would go and say Oh yeah that was Baby . I know most first time Moms feel nothing destintiv till about 20 weeks and I am 19 weeks now . Does the worrying ever stop ?

16 Week Appiontment

Had a Midwife appointment today , first time in the new place . Got my next U/S appointment at 18 weeks , hopefully they will take a peek at the gender and then the offical Genderscan at 20 weeks . Really feel this one is a boy , my little Ben .
Heard the HB agin today ,the sweetest sound ever . And got my dates for the next Scans , the 18 week one will be on my own and at the 20 weeks one DH will come with me . So the TWW starts now .....

12 Weeks

I can not believe that I made it this far !!!!!!!!!
One more week till my next scan , this time my Husband and Niece are coming with me .
Started taking belly pics but all I look like is fat . The Baby seems to be pushing up my fat and my muffin top is HUGE .
Gotta google to see if there is a fat girl pregnancy guide out there .

10 Week Scan

I seen baby again , heartbeat was going strong and I could see the arms and legs . And then it started moving , that was it for me started crying .

8 Week Scan

messered perfect , still a little heartbeat and my Gyno is happy with how things are looking .
So now I can relax till it's time to do my next U/S in 2 weeks time

Surprise Scan at 6 Weeks

Had a appiontment in Bielefeld yesterday and got a surprise Scan and got to see the Heartbeat .
Messerured 2 days ahead as well

5 Week 1 Day Scan

had my first U/S at 5 weeks , seen two sacs one messured perfect and the second was smaller and funny shaped . I was pregnant with twins but one didn't develop right .
But there is still a tiny bit of hope , I read that sometimes the second sac catches up and I really hope it does .
Got my next U/S in 20 days (and counting : ) )

AF was due today

And she didn't show YAY , was really worried that I would wake up and have spotting .But nothing :)
STill feeling crampy and my nipples are getting tender , really sleepy and HUNGRY , I want to eat all the time .

Gonna see my Gyno next week and he will do U/S (I will make him LOL ) and then the waiting beginns . Not sure when he wants to see me again , hopefully about 2 or 3 weeks later to check heartbeat .

Holy Crap !!!!!!

Ok I trying to stay as calm as I can but I think I'm pregnant again !!!!!!!!!!
Since yesterday I got light lines and today they are pink .
So nervous about it all

Keep going

Had U/S today , one Folli on the left side . My Doc told me to keep trying and if no luck (fat chance) start new Meds next cycle .

Gyno tomorrow

Still hoping that I get the go ahed for this cycle , I won't do it if Doc tells me the risk is to big but if he can do something to stablis my Hormones , I will go for it .
Best case would be if I shouldn't that there is none on the good side .

More Blood tests

More Bloodtests

Got my Blood results back , not sure if I should laugh or cry . My Doc thinks he found the reason why I don't get pregnant and keep having M/C if I do .
It's something called secondary Hyperparathyroidism ( got a copy of the results other wise I would never remembert the name ) meaning my Vit D levels are super super low and my Parathyroid is super high .
And malabsorption Syndrom , my body can't get the Nutirents or not enough of them out of food.
Need to see a Specialist and most likley will have a gastroscopy , he said it might be a wheat intolerantz . And higly likley the reason why I don't get pregnant .

I see the Doc on the 1th of September , not sure what's gonna happen with this Clomid cycle , if there is a chance that if I get pregnant I will lose it again , because my Body can't support the pregnancy , I don't want to try .

So where does that leave me now ? On one hand I am so happy that I might found the reason why I have trouble and on the other hand I still keep thinking , let's try this month again and see what happens .

If I wait it will be till September , 2 Cycyles , and hopefully before the year is out I will be pregnant .

TTW AGAIN

getting tiered of all of things TTC , Af is due next week and I feel so uuugh . I really thought I would have a chance this cycle but now I feel just out . And then I think maybe AF will not come and I get a BFP . Just so confused about it all

TTW Again

Nearly time for AF again , was on a break this cycle . So why do I feel the urgde to pee on a stick ?
Having cramps and I know by the weekend the witch will show .
But all I can think about is I WANT TO BE PREGNANT . The due date would be Feb again , which feels strange like I try to replace my Baby . No pregnancy could replace the one I lost , it was weeks since I thought about the M/C , maybe I'm healing .

Break Cycle

Nearly half way through my break cycle and it's going well . Love to say I excersised and lost some weight but did not do a lot LOL
Next week I'm in Denmark and after that need to see my Doc to see what he wants to do next .
Got some Perdiction done and tey said July for my BFP month , let's hope it will come true .

CD 1
AF showed today , not to upset , didn't think I had a chance afer the BFN on 13 DPO .
Now a break cycle , gonna see my Doc for more Clomid and then next cycle will be my BFP Cycle .

OK where is AF

I was convienced AF would show today but nothing yet . Now the waiting beginns .

13 DPO

And it's a .... BFN
So out this cycle , unless a miracle happens , AF should show this week .

11 DPO

Getting more and more cramps , trying to tll myself that it's not over yet . But will have to face facts that there is not a lot of hope for me at the moment , maybe Af will be here tomorrow .

11 DPO - First Test Day

POAS and it was .... a one lined test . I was sitting there waiting for the second line to show , when the dye went across I could see a second line .
Keeping my fingers crossed that it would be nice and visible and if I should tell DH or wait a bit , then the it startet to dry the pink went and only one line left . So it must have been a shadow or something but only 11 dpo , plenty of time to get my BFP this cycle .
Ok I'm starting to annoy myself with this positiv thinking , normaly I get prepared for AF and make peace with my Body for not getting pregnant , still hopeful at the moment , not like me . Nipps are tingeling and hurt when touched , cramps seem to be getting more . Tomorrow is gonna be 14 days after trigger , the time I normaly get AF , we'll see what happens .

9 DPO

Still having some cramps but they not getting worse , no sore boobs like I got the last few cycles .
PLS PLS PLS let this be the month , got enough of BD , taking Meds , U/S , Bloodtest and waitingwaitingwaiting . I just want to be a MUM .

Just found out my SIL is pregnant .
Do I need to say more ? I just thought it would be my turn next but the powers that be just really like to s***** me . IÄm wishing her all the best and a healty Pregnancy .
I just really wish it was me .

Not sure if I have a change this cycle , I think it Oed , Bd around that time , there is nothing else I could have done . If it didn't happen this month I will take a break for a Month and start taking my Temp , maybe that helps .

6 DPO

having some twinges and pulling in uterus today , not sure if that is a good sign or not . It's been 8 dptrigger , normaly 14 dptrigger AF comes that would be sunday , so maybe it's AF cramping starting . Or maybe something is getting cosy in there FXFXFXFXFXFXFXFX

If no BFP this month I will take a month off again , going on Holiday and I don't want my Due Date to be in the same Month as my M/C one was .

Remember to stay calm and relaxed , don't freak out , think calm thoughts.

3 DPO maybe ?

Bought a HPT and will take it tomorrow , only to see how much of the trigger is still in my system . Then I will get another one next week and hopefuly that will be BFN then . If I get a BFP this cycle it will be in the same month like last year when I had my M/C , that does worry me . But I so want to be a Mom

Ok , had this Blog for a while now and now I think I'm ready to start .
A little history about myself
I'm Meike (30) married to Steve (31) for 9 years this year ( YIKES , doesn't feel that long ) . Long irregular cycles , didn't O on my own , laparoscopy and dye test done in Nov. 2007 , got pregnant after that . Didn't know I was pregnant , went to see my Gyno after a 2 1/2 week long period , still could see a little Blob in uterus , must have been still very early . Looking back I'm glad I didn't know that I was pregnant .
Tried Clomid 3 or 4 times , had enough and took a break in March '08 to lose some weight , natural BFP on 05/30/08 (DH Birthday ) , M/C at 9 weeks+ . It was the hardest time in my life , waiting for a baby for so long and then losing it , nearly broke me . Had trouble since I found out I was pregnant , in and out of hospital , blood taken so many times my venes collapsed and they had to try my hands and where getting ready to move to my neck to get some . Got told it was a ectopic , then my beta didn't go up enough and finnaly at 6 + weeks they said everything is ok . Never had a heartbeat and then had some spotting , body absorbt the pregnancy . Had D&C to make sure everything came out .Trying since then with Soy and supplements , doing a Clomid cycle this cycle again .
Reading this now feels like it was a lifetime ago , never thought I would live through it but I did .

Now I'm in the TTW again , on one hand I feel like yeah this is it , I will get a BFP this cycle and on the other hand I feel like I should not get to excited in case AF comes . Trying to protect my heart , I guess