Why don't I have time ?

Why do Moms have to do the time keeping ? Maybe there are homes where its the other way round or share but not here :(
And that can suck big time , I have to get ready , get the kids ready and all our stuff .
Which results in me nagging and treatening to get them out of the house on time and to where we need to be ...mostly late or if we are on time in a horrible mood .
Gotta go now , cause we are late

Sickness and Fun Stuff

O M G how often can my Children be sick ???
Since April there where 2 weeks ( not even together ) that nobody had to puke , snotty nose , fever or a cough .
This time it is Abbie , Fever , snotty Nose and clinging to Mommy all day long :-(

The Fun stuff was last weekend , spend a Day at the Good Bye 28th Reg with sweets , playing in Tents and looking at Army Vehicles .
Sunday was Felgenfest , where a Main road is shut off between towns for Cars and Motors bikes ,allowed are Bikes , Rollerblade basicly anything Manpowered

Looking Back @ 2013

Ok I'm a shitty Blogger :-(

Let's do a little Stocktake of the last 12 Month

January , Febuary , March was in Italy , having Coffee Mornings with my Friends , Ben is PreSchool twice a week and Miss Maus exploring the Livingroom .

April the Move o Gütersloh , unpacking , getting registered on the German Net and visiting my Family ...a lot .
May Bens Second Birthday , Hubbies 36 and he stupped his toe , doesn't seems to be healing .
On and off Potty training for Ben .

June / July more Potty training , Hubby in and out of Hospital , tests and treatments . Aparently his Ateries are blocked and can't be opened . In Laws are visiting even though we asked them not to .

August Nieces Hen Party and Wedding , all my Babies in one Place , Bliss !!!

September Hubby in Hospital again , Ben starting FS 1 and still Potty training , having enough of Pee and Poo

October my youngest Niece is moving back to Germany , Abbie turns 2 and still Potty training Ben

November Hubby away for weeks , I went to visit my Friend over the weekend without Kids , talking about moving into our House because Hubby will be leaving the Army .

December , Youngest Niece is in Mental Hospital for PTSD , told my Sister what I think of her and the way she is treating her Children , Ben is still having Potty issues aka Poopy Pants , Babysitting pretty much every day for my Friend , Christmas preparations and looking for a kitchen .

Other Highlights from 2013
~ Renters move out , screaming Match with them and now in the Hands of our Lawyers
~ Hen Night for my Chicken , Drunk in Hannover
~Getting a Hamster , Minnie Cooper
~ 4 of my Friends had Babies this year , 1 Boy 4 Girls
~ Christmas Party at the PRU , having the piss taken out of my by some Stand Up Comedians
~ Getting uninvited from a Party , which lead me to have a sort out on my FB

Here is to 2014 , let's see what it brings or should I say throws at me ?

Am I messy or really organized ?

Sitting down with my first (of many) cups of Coffe , watching the Kids eat breakfast , spreading it all over the table and I'm asking myself .... Am i really organized or kinda messy with a that will do attuide ?
Let me explain , on FB I see posts from Moms complaining that their House is a tip , mountains of washing and they are always busy busy with housework .
I'm not .
Don't get me wrong i do have washing , ironing and cleaning but I don't feel that busy . And this is what the post is about is it because I'm organized and do things as they happen OR is it because I do as much as needed and that's it ?
How can u tell ? There are days where nobody and i mean not even closest friends should pass my doorstep and then days where my house is gleaming after a good clean . For me there is more to life than having a spotless house , if u think so too maybe we should have a playdate ;)

The Day I almost lost my Schmidts or IF I HAVE TO TELL YOU ONE MORE TIME

It's been coming for a few weeks now , I can feel it during the days and mostly one the weekends ...
I want some time to myself !
I want to sit somewhere and read or scrapbook or pee by myself , without having to shout at a child to stop whatever they doing or else , keeping peace when all hell breaks lose over a toy or when Mr Gadget aka DH is doing important stuff on the computer like moving our movie collection on to a Hard drive or checking FB .

Could somebody please explain to me why his stuff is so much more important than 5 minutes to myself ? I remember when I was pregnant with Stinky , he promised me to get up with him during the night or early before he had to get to work , the help with cooking and taking Stinky off me so I can rest .

Fast forward to almost 3 years later , Miss Maus joined us now and I get up with 2 Kids early in the morning and during the night , Mr Gadget's cooking is happening maybe once or twice a month ( and then I have to take the Kids because he needs to concentrate ) and alone time happens when I have a snooze at lunch on the weekend ( while Miss Maus is asleep too and Mr Stinky too ) and that only because I'm incisting on it .

So u can imagine how happy I am to be moving closer to my Family ( free Babysitters ) , already got told by them that they will take them off my Hands and I can have *gasp* time alone .

But for now I'm still in Italy , trying to get my Kids to listen to me , not throw Toys or take the House apart mostly on my own .
While my outings into the World away for Peppa Pig and Thomas are the weekly Toddler group and Food shopping .

Anyhow about losing my schmidts , I just keep imagining what I do when I get out ALONE and how Mr Gadget would struggle and it puts a smile on my face 

New Title , nearly new Year

Right , so last time I left here was just before Miss Maus Birthday and now it's Christmas , let me tell you what happend inbetween .

Ok Abbie's Birthday Party was canceled and pushed back a week because Ben had Croup , scary stuff . For those of you´who haven't encountered it let me explain .
Ben couldn't breath properly , it was more w wheezing and the cough OMG it was more like barking and he couldn't catch his breath . After a lovely morning spend at the Hospital , my Baby was allowed home with some Steroids Juice but he was extremly contagious , so no Party .

The Party was lush , my little Girl had so many People come out and celebrate with her , there where Ballons and Cake and loads of yummy Food . Abbie had a pile of presents and is now the proud Doll Mama to quite a few Babies .

In November my Next Door Neighbour and good Friend moved back to the UK , sniff sniff , really do miss her . She had a good Bye Party  and I nearly made her cry with a Card from all of us wishing them the Best Journey and new Life back in England .
And when it came time to say Good bye for real , we cried .... a lot .

On our Move back to Germany , we are not going in January , we are going in April ... need I say more ?
Any way this gives me more time to see some Italy , like downtown Naples , Amalfi Coast and some other stuff . Just need to get DH round to seeing it my way , he is not the most adventures Guy , rather sits at home plays on the Xbox .

Right so now we are at Christmas time , we did it all , baked Cookies , watched the Movies , wraped Presents and seen Santa ( not the best Pictures , who am I kidding they are crap . Ben screamed , Abbie didn't look at the Photografer and 5 Pics and we were done . Not even 5 frecking minutes and it was over )
On the 24th we are having German Christmas ( Potatoe Salad and Sausage ) and on the 25th presents in the Morning and Christmas Dinner at ours , for 8 Grownups and 6 Kids ... yeah I must be crazy . Thankfully everybody is pitching in and bringing some food otherwise I would go nuts trying to do it all .

Little Round up form the Kids

Ben : 2 1/2 Years , talking a lot and constantly ( Where is this or That ? What was that ?)
Gonna start potty training soon , He is telling me when has to poo and pee .
Getting a bit fussy with what he eats , if he doesn't eat , I don't force him . Trust me I tried but the screaming was more than I could handel , so if he doen't want to eat before Bed he goes to Bed with no food . And has a Huge Breakfast in the morning LOL

Abbie : 1 year and 2 month , saying a couple of words , not quite walking yet after a few steeps she drops down and crawls the rest .
Decided she doesn't want to be feed anymore , she is feeding herself , with her fingers for now ( spoon is going everywhere but her mouth )
Loves Animals , Cats , Dogs you name it , some don't even run off and let her stroke/poke them LOL

 

Shopping and Party Fever

Today was 75 % off already reduced Clothes , I was in haven :)
Stocked up with tons of cute little Girl clothes size 2 & 3 for Miss Maus , now FX she is not gonna outgrow them before she can wear them .
I just love shopping for Kids clothes , I can spend hour ( much to the dislike of my Babies and Husband ) looking at Tops and trousers and my all time Favourite PJs .
Ben has tons of cute ones , Firetrucks , Dinos , Thomas ones . I would like to get him some onies again , he is still wearing Nappies so there would be no problem with going potty during the night .

I was gonna get some for Abbie's Birthday but at the moment there are none in her size , we mostly shop for clothes in the American Shops here . The Italian Sizes are funny , smaller than normal adn it's hard to find soemthing that I like . Oh well there is always Ebay ... oh Honey , I will be on the computer for a while

Ok Party fever , I can't belive that my Baby Girl will be 1 soon . It's Party planning central here , got the Plates , Cups , Tablecloth and Napkins all with multicoloured Polka dots , Party Loot Bags with stripes and a 1 on them , Party Favours ( armbands , wistles , airplanes and some sweets ) .
Nearly done the Mealplan and got most of her Presents and a few small ones for Ben .

Just one Couple hasn't responded yet if they are coming or not ( they have a Boy age 4 , who plays with Ben and the Guy works with DH ) I invited them because I could not invite them , if that makes sence ?
The Boy is diagnosed with ADHD and boy sometimes he can be a handful , he is really ruff with Ben sometimes , like he really wants to hurt him . He pushes and hits , gets him ina  chokehold and his Parents are not watching him all the time . He runs riot when he is here and if DH and I don't keep an eye on him , he goes exploring through the whole house ( it's at a point now where we block of the stairs so he can't go up )
So to be honest I wouldn' be sad if they didn't come , there is a few things with the Parents going on too , basicly I don't like being lied to . Tell me the truth even if it hurts , not too much to ask I think .

Nearly 1

Abbie is nearly 1 years old , hard to believe , she is still so little .
Miss Maus got tooth # 5 coming through , she is standing holding on to things and is walking along sofas or her walker .
Bit of a picky eater , still has 3 bottles a day with her meals , has a nap for 2 hours during the day .
Is waving and saying bye bye , no and Mama & Daddy , loves to play with her Brother and things that she shouldn't .
We have cuddles after breakfast every morning till Ben wakes up and before she does to sleep .
I am so in love with her , I can't stop kissing and cuddeling her , luckiely she is happy to get kisses .

Ben is nearly 2 1/2 years old , my little Boy is getting so big .
Sometimes I look at him and I can't believe how tall he is , how smart and how well he is talking .
What happend to my Baby ? He is playing outside every day with his Friends , eats pretty much anything and he is talking so much ( and u can understand him )
I think he is ready to go to kindergarten , when we are in Toddlergroup , he doesn't bother with me at all , goes off and plays with the Kids , sits down for snack time and craft time and is rather upset when it's time to go home .

I love being a Mama of 2 , I do wish we could make it three but DH is really against it . I know I keep going on about that but it plays on my mind . Before Ben and Abbie when I seen somebody wishing for # 2 or 3 I always thought , come on u already have a child , be happy with that . My wish is stronger than urs , I don't have any yet but it's diffrent now . I know what it feels like to hold ur newborn , how it feels like to feel ur baby move in you .

I want to feel that again , I want to raise another child but I could never trick my DH , I want him to be excited too , not resentful .

And right now I should concentrate on getting healthier ( aka slim down ) , wait to hera the Pap test results and see what is happening with DH muscle Biopsy .

That Autum Feeling

If you ask me which is my favourite Season , I would say Christmas . But latley I starting to love Autum , the weather is nice , it's Abbie's first Birthday in October , Halloween is coming and the Food is getting richer again ( Stew , Soup and Roasts yummy )

There is so much I want to do with Ben , collecting Leaves , decorate Pumpkins and make Costumes ( he will be Thomas the Tank Engine ) .
Spend the last warm Days outside , playing and bbqing with Friends

Abbie is getting so big , she started to pull herself up and tries to take a few steps , while holding on to her toys . She waves byebye and hello and even says Byebye and Hi .
She loves her big Brothers toys ( Trains , Cars and his books ) , DH and I always said we wouldn't spoil our Kids , that went out a long time ago . Now we say that it wil stop once they excepting toys and sweets , if it became the norm . So far when we say no , he mostly excepts it .

Getting excited to move next year , so much to do before though , Abbie's Passport , get the Cats ready for moveing and there is a lot DH will have to do , like apply for the new place .

And now Baby Spam

Little Rant

Ok so we are moving again in January , no problem , even though it has been onlky 6 month by then we"ve been in this House BUT whatever .
The posting Order said Bielefeld , Germany , HUGE YAY , close to my Family but not that close , big City with loads of things to do , Buses and Taxie's .

That was last week , fastfoword to today , DH told me that the Squadron where he will work is moving to Guetersloh :{
All I said was they better move us to right to the new place because I will not start doing this moving every couple of month thing again .
While in Italy I moved to 3 diffrent houses and I have enough of packing . All I want is a home for a couple of years , even 2 years would be fine by me , just let me have some peace before sending me packing again .

Abbie 10 month and Ben 27 month

Ben is really into his puzzles at the moment and I don't mean Baby ones , oh no 3+ years ones :)
No Idea where he got it from , defendly not from me , I don't have the patience .

Mouse is still Zombie crawling but can get up into sitting by herself , started to try to pull herself up and finnaly eating food with bits in ( without pucking )

DH and I had a talk about #3 , I'm game and he is not :(
First he said he would get the snip but now he wants to wait till we move before going in , ok Buster so u don't want any more Kids but still leave room for erroer every month .
So I'm going to have an IUI fitted , it's better for me than the Pill ( keep forgetting ) Depo shot ( made me sick ) and don't really fancy the ring or femdom . And Condoms are just a pain , because DH like to wait a bit before putting it on .

Apart from that same old here , quite nice for a change

Still Standing Magazine's August blog hop

I read about this on another Blog I#m following about a Women and her stillborn Baby Boy Finley . 

We meet only once a week or so before she gave birth to Finley , then I heard that Finley passed away , my heart broke for her and her little Boy . 

I had pregnancy losses , not as far along as hers , all of them before 12 weeks . They hurt bad , I was so angry and sad , I hated my Body for letting me down . I hated other women who got to hold their Babies , why did my Baby die ? 

I never wanted to feel this way ever again , crying myself to sleep , faking happiness at my friends pregnancies . Meeting their Baby's and watching them grow . 

It took years for me to get pregnant , there where tests , bodywork's , U/S , checking my whole Body and my tubes . When my period was first late and then very heavy and long , I didn't think any of it but when it was 2 weeks of bleeding and cramps I went to my OB .

I remember telling him about my heavy period and mentioned that I had a cyst before , so he wanted to check that everything was ok . 

I was watching the Monitor when he zoomed in a little round bubble and said U are Pregnant but there is no Heartbeat and with the heavy bleeding , it doesn't look good .

I was stunned , I didn't knew I was pregnant and it was already over ? Telling my Husband was hard , we keeped telling each other that it will be different next time . 

Next time I found out on his Birthday , 2 positive tests , my Beta rising , this was it ! 

Then I started bleeding , rushed to the hospital for an U/S , no HB at 7 weeks but I couldn't give up on my Baby . I beg them to let me wait longer before deciding anything , 2 weeks with blood tests every other day , U/S which showed no HB .

After the 2 weeks my Body started absorbing my Baby  , I still had to have a D&C to remove the rest of the Placenta . 

I went in pregnant and left with feeling empty , crying myself to sleep for a long time . I lost hope .

Then I fell  pregnant again , Twins , one of them died around 6 weeks . The other had a Heartbeat but I didn't want to bond with this little life in me . I was too scared that it would end like the others , I had a lot of U/S in the first 12 weeks . Constant checking for the HB & Growth , orders to stay of my feet as much as possible , no sport , sex or lifting anything .

The Baby made it , my healthy Boy , I did bond with him after a while , opened my heart to my Rainbow Baby , my Miracle .

And then there was another Miracle my little Girl , I got pregnant again . At the first U/S I heard her heart beating away , the best sound in the world to me .

I still think about my Angels , I even talk about them to some People , most don't understand . Why am I sad ? It was so long ago , I have Children now , why dwell on the past ? 

For me it's not the past , it's a part of me and will always be there .

Why did I choose to tell my story ? Because there are so many Women out there who lost their Child and feel alone .
There is this quote : I can't make it better but I can make it less lonely 

Good and Bad Times

Ok let's start with the good
~ holding my Baby Girl when she is asleep , it just feels so right when she is in my arms , she is a part of me
~ Baby Boy sitting next to me while we are eating , it always amazes me how grown up he is ( he is two but anyways u know what I mean ) , looking at his profile fills me with love

the bad
~ I wish my DH would get what makes me so angry with him , just help me out without me having to tell u every single time , it didn't change from yesterday and tomorrow it will still be the done the same way .
It's routine , it's boring but JUST DO IT .
Why is it that Men need instructions for everything , emptying the bins , washing up uuugh
Sundays used to be so nice , now it's a day where I have to do everything I do during the week but with DH under my feet too , unless I say do this , do that he won't.
I should have looked for a Husband who helps but hey I do love mine , good thing too , that way will ensure him staying 6 feet over ground some days .

I am so lazy

I should start doing what i always say I will do , post more !

Stats on Ben & Abbie 

Age : Ben 2 Years 2 Month , Abbie 9 Month 

Weight & Height : Absolutely no Idea , I keep meaning to weigh and measser them but never get around to do it 

New Skills : Ben is talking A LOT ( German & English ) Abbie is zombie crawling 

What else is new ? New House but only till January , we are moving back to Germany YAY . I do like Italy most days but going back to a place where I can speak the language is great ( not to mention my Family ) 
The new House is cosy ... read small ... but we seen that as an opportunity to get rid of stuff , well me at least . DH is dragging his feet and some of the dead Hobbies are still hanging around ( Guitar , Telescope , Language sets , Drawing board , Golf Clubs etc ) and Computer parts . 

My pet peeve , I look through my stuff and bin most of it , DH looks through his and move it to another box . I wish I could go through it , trust me it would all fit in one box . 

So what's new with you ? 
A little while ago on TWW one women posted a pee stick , my friend said she didn't see anything and the following of that women started bitching about my friend . 
On our DD group we talked about it the comments and the condition of that women and one of my so called "Friends " said we were all fucked up and should stop saying nasty thing . 
What nasty things u ask ? No idea but apparently we been spreading rumours and lies about this person and our "good Friend " took it upon herself to tell that person . 

Yours truly and the rest of my group got called every name in the book , we are just jealous and should rethink having children . ... nice . 
I tried to tell the story to the person but she choose to not believe me , after one post saying how she is gonna be more positive , she started again with how horrible we all are .

My response ? I deleted that blog from my reading list , let her believe what she wants . Why on earth do I care so much about this , I didn't say anything mean , they don't know me personally . 
But they kinda attacked my children and that shit doesn't fly ! 
I'm not the bad person here , I don't call them names or wish them harm but they did . Do I believe in  Karma , I do now 

 

Ben 22 Month & Abbie 5 Month

Summer is nearly here , it's getting warmer and the Rain has stopped . Which means new Wardrobe for 2 Kids , SHOPPING YAY .

If anybody would have told me 3 Years ago I would have 2 Kids , I probably would be in tears and screaming at them to stop taunting me .
Infertility is something that I can't forget , the pain and heartbreak sticks to me like glue . There are still moments when I can't believe they are my Children and then I hold them close and kiss them ( Ben is not a big Kisser but Abbie loves giving sloppy Baby kisses )
Don't know why I got so lucky but I did and I'm grateful .... which doesn't mean that sometimes they don't drive me crazy ;)

Ben is talking a lot now and we have to be very careful what we say around him , today he turned around to hid Daddy and said " Ok already " after he got told to stop playing with Daddy's tools . Every Cat is Tessie or Kätzchen , Donkeys , Horses and Giraffes are Aih and car journeys have a running comentary of Car Car Truck Car , sometimes Copter ( helicopter )

Abbie is starting to get solids now , Banana is ok but Rice Cerial is Devils food and has to be spit out at once . Still not rolling over but she can get to where she wants on her back doing a worm motion ( I think it would be a lot easier on her tummy but what does Mama know , right )

I changed my Diet and started doing excersice , this year will be the year I lose the extra weight for the last time . It feels like a now or never , I don't want to leave Italy looking like I came here . I want to look and feel better , not like last summer so fat and swollen and sweating so badly . Even though I didn't put on much weight during the Pregnancy the weight that was already there made it harder on me . And I want to wear cute clothes !

Abbie @ 14 Weeks and Ben @ 20 Month , my life as a Mama of 2 under 2

Well so far so good , Abbie is having one Nightfeed and most nights she is sleeping through and has her feed between 5 - 6 am , after we go to sleep all snuggeled up . Love it !

Ben is talking up a storm , we have to be so careful what we say in front of him , he is repeating EVERYTHING . Still loves his Books and Trains , Cars and tormenting the Cats .
He is such a good Eater and will try anything .

DH and I are getting so snippy , he says it's tieredness , I think if we tried harder we would stop bitting each others heads off . I will do my best not to take everything he says like critisism and just tune out when he starts his whinging . One would think it's my Toddler is the problem but no it's my Husband maybe the second childhood or it's this place .

We need to move again and I'm so feed up with it all , no Idea when or where we are moving , maybe he is getting promoted and that would mean moving to another Country or he could be getting made redundant and then we would be moving into our House .
AND the bummer is there is nothing I can do but wait and see what happens , I HATE WAITING !!!!

Only Days To Go

Yup 4 more days , got told the time I need to be there and what I need to take and what I have to do or don't do before .
Got a Friend looking after Ben for the morning and a Cleaner coming in for the first few weeks to help out .
Now I just need to do some washing , pack my bag , clean the house and well wait till Tuesday .

Ben was sick on Sunday , high Fever and really floopy , no wet Nappys and didn't want to eat or drink . We took him to the Hospital and there his Temperature was 104 , they said they need Urin and Blood . Woo I thought how do they get Urin from a Baby not with a Catherter surly well they do .
My poor baby was held down and they got their Urin to test and when they pulled the tube out ... he peed all over them .
I cried , Ben cried and Steve was looking like he was close to start as well , then they had to put an IV in to get Blood and give him some Fluid at with piont I could hold him . We sat snuggeled up together there for a few hours , then finally the Fevermeds they gave him kicked in and the fever went down enough for us to go home with him .
That was one of the scariest days of my life

Time flys

Ok I really need to update more on here but since we moved and still haven't got home internet there is a fight for the dongle going on in this House .

Ben is doing great , a little eating maschine and I mean that , there is no way to eat in front of him without sharing the food .

He looooves his Thomas the Train playset and knows moct names and brings the right Trains to u ( Bragging I know but hey this is my blog after all ;)
His newest Word is Teddy , he said it today for the first time , my big Boy .

Abbie is growing like crazy and only 2 more weeks before she comes out .... unless these Contrations pick up and then she will be here a lot earlier

7 more weeks to go

It's been a while , there is just always to something I do instead of updating the Blog .

Ben : Got tooth # 7 & 8 now , is walking for weeks , feeding himself with a spoon and having Tantrums LOL
Dear me I thought they would not come for a while but they are here ,if he doesn#t get his way he screams and throws himself on the floor or bangs his head on the floor .

He is talking in Baby gibberish all day long with a few words u can understand .

His favourite Toys at the moment are Lego Duplo , Thomas the Tank engine and still and hopefully always Books , Books and Books .

His Favourite Food Yoghurt , Fruit ( Apple , Melon , Nectarin ) and Veg & Potatoes

He loves his Kitty Cats but is a bit rough with them , Bisquit is rather old and just let's him do pretty much whatever he wants ... pulling her tail , sticking fingers in her Ears or trying to ride on her .

My little Boy is growing up soo quickly , I love watching him play and explore .
Sometimes I still can't believe I'm his Mama , it seems like a Dream and that is when I pull him close to get Kisses and Hugs . I am very lucky to have him and soon there will be Abbie here too

My Bump is BIG and I mean BIG , last weeks growth scan put her at around 4.5 LBS and that was at 31 weeks .
Steve did the Hands test (put his arms around me to see if his fingers still touch ) and they did , just LOL

Getting the Nursery set up next week and washing all the Clothes I got , cutting the circles out for her walls and FX all the stuff I ordert will arrive too

Scan today

and it's a GIRL
I still can't believe it , I always wanted a Boy and a Girl but thought I would have trouble conciving again . I just did'nt want to go through the treatments again , have my heartbroken if it didn't work and there was no way I could face another MC .

And then I got pregnant , don't know when and it stuck , still took the Pills but Baby was hanging in there till I started helping my Body take care of her .
She is growing and now I can feel her kick and turn in my tummy , my little Abbie Elisabeth

When I hold Ben in my arms and feel Abbie move I now I am the luckiest Women alive , after 9 years of heartbreaks , my dreams came true .

Yes 9 years , 4 years of NTNP and then 5 years of activly trying , so many HPT and OPKs , so many U/S and bloodtest
But to get where I am now , I would do it all over again !