6 Weeks & 1 day
Had a Midwife appointment today , now I'm just waiting for a phone call to see when I gonna have my Scan . I am terrified that there will be no Baby , no HB and the test were wrong .
I don't want to lose my Baby and I know that if I do there is nothing to stop it .
Maybe that's why I don't really think about it or make plans , trying not to bond until I know it's ok , I don't want to get hurt , I don't want to feel the emtyness again .
Tomorrow my Baby Boy is 10 month old , I can't believe how fast time went by , I want to be there for him , be a good Mother . Maybe the scan can put my mind to rest
Tuesday, 1 March 2011
Friday, 25 February 2011
Thinking
I read in my BG today that one of the Women I talk to for a loooong time now is really down because her SIL is pregnant and that just after she had a M/C . There is so much I want to say to make her feel better but I'm not sure that it how it would come across .
I've been there and felt the pain but now I'm here with my Baby Boy and would she think yeah she can talk , she got her Baby .
A while ago in my other BG everybody was pregnant and I thought I would be the only one left , it was horrible to feel that the one thing I wanted most was not gonna happen .
I didn't want to be insensitiv when I posted my sticks , I was just so happy and had to share and tell someone , I know they are happy for me but there is the little voice in them that says why her , why not me . I know because I had that little voice for years
I read in my BG today that one of the Women I talk to for a loooong time now is really down because her SIL is pregnant and that just after she had a M/C . There is so much I want to say to make her feel better but I'm not sure that it how it would come across .
I've been there and felt the pain but now I'm here with my Baby Boy and would she think yeah she can talk , she got her Baby .
A while ago in my other BG everybody was pregnant and I thought I would be the only one left , it was horrible to feel that the one thing I wanted most was not gonna happen .
I didn't want to be insensitiv when I posted my sticks , I was just so happy and had to share and tell someone , I know they are happy for me but there is the little voice in them that says why her , why not me . I know because I had that little voice for years
Thursday, 24 February 2011
Feeling Pucky
I feel soooo sick , never felt this bad with Ben , mmh does that mean it's a Girl ?
Somebody in my Buddy group asked me how I think Ben will react to his new sibling and I have no Idea . I hope that he will be ok but there will be changes for him , he's gonna share Mama & Daddy , sometimes I feel kinda guilty that I didn't take contraception and waited a bit before having another one . BUT and that's a bit but this pregnancy was a total surprise and not planned , I thought that I didn't O , we didn't try and just had fun .
Do I worry about what it's gonna be like with 2 Babys , sure I do and I know it will be hard but I will love every minute of it
I feel soooo sick , never felt this bad with Ben , mmh does that mean it's a Girl ?
Somebody in my Buddy group asked me how I think Ben will react to his new sibling and I have no Idea . I hope that he will be ok but there will be changes for him , he's gonna share Mama & Daddy , sometimes I feel kinda guilty that I didn't take contraception and waited a bit before having another one . BUT and that's a bit but this pregnancy was a total surprise and not planned , I thought that I didn't O , we didn't try and just had fun .
Do I worry about what it's gonna be like with 2 Babys , sure I do and I know it will be hard but I will love every minute of it
Wednesday, 23 February 2011
9 Month
Well it's been a while and Ben is a month older now and we are in Italy :)
He can crawl now , nothing and no one ( meaning the Cats ) are safe now . First he was only doing it when nobody was looking and today he got up on his hands and knees and just crawled . I am on proud Mama
He got so big and is a very clever boy , he claps and loooves his books , it seems like he is doing soemthing new everyday .
And there is something else that has happend ..... I'm pregnant again :) which is a huge surprise but a very happy one .
Well it's been a while and Ben is a month older now and we are in Italy :)
He can crawl now , nothing and no one ( meaning the Cats ) are safe now . First he was only doing it when nobody was looking and today he got up on his hands and knees and just crawled . I am on proud Mama
He got so big and is a very clever boy , he claps and loooves his books , it seems like he is doing soemthing new everyday .
And there is something else that has happend ..... I'm pregnant again :) which is a huge surprise but a very happy one .
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
8 Month old
My little Stinky is now 8 month old , in 4 month he will be a year ! Time went by crazy fast , the weeks seem to fly by and now it's high time that we start packing for our move .
Thing is I really don't like packing , no mather how much we put in boxes there is alway a tons of stuff left . And now there is all of Ben's stuff we too , but most will be left out so he has toys and all the other day to day stuff he needs .
On Sylvester (New Years Night ) we put him to bed as usual but when the fireworks started he woke up and loooooved the Fireworks , took us a hour to get him back to bed .
I don't really have any New Years resolutions this time , I know I need to lose weight but even when I made that my resolution I never followed through .
So this year I want to be more tolerant and nicer person , no bitching or complaining ... or a lot less than before ;)
If things bother me do something about them instead of getting p***** off , be nicer to people .
So far so good , even when my Neighbours seem to want to try out how far they can push me before I forget my New Me .
My little Stinky is now 8 month old , in 4 month he will be a year ! Time went by crazy fast , the weeks seem to fly by and now it's high time that we start packing for our move .
Thing is I really don't like packing , no mather how much we put in boxes there is alway a tons of stuff left . And now there is all of Ben's stuff we too , but most will be left out so he has toys and all the other day to day stuff he needs .
On Sylvester (New Years Night ) we put him to bed as usual but when the fireworks started he woke up and loooooved the Fireworks , took us a hour to get him back to bed .
I don't really have any New Years resolutions this time , I know I need to lose weight but even when I made that my resolution I never followed through .
So this year I want to be more tolerant and nicer person , no bitching or complaining ... or a lot less than before ;)
If things bother me do something about them instead of getting p***** off , be nicer to people .
So far so good , even when my Neighbours seem to want to try out how far they can push me before I forget my New Me .
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
Nearly 2011
So we had our "first" Christmas , since Mai there where a lot of Firsts .
The First Day , the first Night next to me , the first day and night home and so many more .
I have to say that after nearly 8 month , I sometimes feel like I got this Mamathing in the bag ... mmmh better not say that out loud or I will regreat that later .
Ben has 2 teeth now , can sit by himself , is not crawling yet and keepes saying Daddy ( even though I keep saying Mama ) and is the love of my life (as well as his Daddy )
I feel quite good , been taking my Pills for weeks now and so far so good .
The reason for my post Our first Christmas , which we spend at my Parents . The German Part of Christmas in the evening on the 24th was a little overwelming for my Baby Boy . The opened a few of his presents but was not really into them .
Which changed the next day , English Christmas on the morning of the 25th , the loved ripping the paper of his presents and was playing with all of his new toys all day long .
It is hard as hell not to spoil him and for his FIRST I think it's ok ... that is my story and I'm sticking to it ;)
So we had our "first" Christmas , since Mai there where a lot of Firsts .
The First Day , the first Night next to me , the first day and night home and so many more .
I have to say that after nearly 8 month , I sometimes feel like I got this Mamathing in the bag ... mmmh better not say that out loud or I will regreat that later .
Ben has 2 teeth now , can sit by himself , is not crawling yet and keepes saying Daddy ( even though I keep saying Mama ) and is the love of my life (as well as his Daddy )
I feel quite good , been taking my Pills for weeks now and so far so good .
The reason for my post Our first Christmas , which we spend at my Parents . The German Part of Christmas in the evening on the 24th was a little overwelming for my Baby Boy . The opened a few of his presents but was not really into them .
Which changed the next day , English Christmas on the morning of the 25th , the loved ripping the paper of his presents and was playing with all of his new toys all day long .
It is hard as hell not to spoil him and for his FIRST I think it's ok ... that is my story and I'm sticking to it ;)
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
The first Tooth !
For a while now Ben has been drooling like crazy and I mean really bad , went through 3 or more tops and Bibs during one day . This morning he grabed my finger to have a chew , I felt a sharp point on his bottom gums and there it was the top of his first tooth .
He was not fuzzy or screaming while he was teething , so hopefully it will continue this way . I have the best Baby in the world , he sleeps through the night , eats without a fuss and now the theeting , makes me wonder if it will change when he is older . Good Baby = terrible toddler ?
For the first time in ages I feel happy , no depressions to cloud my day , there is always the fear that they will come back . It's the time of the year when I normaly felt down but so far so good .
I read back some of my posts and I don't always reconise myself in them , like I was a diffrent person when I was pregnant . Must have been the Hormones that made me feel better but then again not all the time .
For a while now Ben has been drooling like crazy and I mean really bad , went through 3 or more tops and Bibs during one day . This morning he grabed my finger to have a chew , I felt a sharp point on his bottom gums and there it was the top of his first tooth .
He was not fuzzy or screaming while he was teething , so hopefully it will continue this way . I have the best Baby in the world , he sleeps through the night , eats without a fuss and now the theeting , makes me wonder if it will change when he is older . Good Baby = terrible toddler ?
For the first time in ages I feel happy , no depressions to cloud my day , there is always the fear that they will come back . It's the time of the year when I normaly felt down but so far so good .
I read back some of my posts and I don't always reconise myself in them , like I was a diffrent person when I was pregnant . Must have been the Hormones that made me feel better but then again not all the time .
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