Is there Life after TTC ?


OLD PICTURE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love being a Mama , don't get me wrong , I love my little boy more than anything in the World . So happy and blessed to have him , so why do I feel the little niggel that makes me want to get some OPKs and see what happens ?????

I know I need to wait a year before starting to even think about another baby , but seeing my Online Friends with their BFP and reading about their O-dates , make me want to start again .

Which is crazy because it drove me nuts , sad and aparently I was soooo obcessed with it that my Honey was close to wanting to stop . I'm not sure if I want to start again because I want another Baby RIGHT NOW or is it because it's been a part of my life for so long that (now my Bump is gone and Ben is here ) I don't know how else to live .

My Honey is ready for another one and I would love to give Ben a little Sister or Brother but I know that now is not the right time , so I guess for now I will just keep checking what my Body is doing without doing anything about it :)

I did it !

Scrapbooking that is LOL

I looved to scrap but since little Man is here , I didn't really have the time . And if I took time out during the day , I felt incredibly guilty for not spending time with my Baby .

So a few nights ago I had the urgde to be creativ again and voila this was the result .
There might be more artistic pages or more creativ pages but this page is filled with so much love that it doesn't mather , not the wonkey writing , the not really matching colours . All that mather is the story behind it and catching that moment .

On another note my Boy rolled over for the first time yesterday !!!!!!!!!!!
He is not a big fan of tummy time and does not roll over from his front for love or money ...but when he was on his back yesterday and couldn't reach his toy , he just rolled right over on his tummy to get to it . Cue me being a super proud Mama :)

How Life is now

Right this moment as I'm updating my Blog , Ben is in his Nursery sleeping , which I will be doing soon too .
I'm could try and fit into words how wonderful it is to be a Mama but I know that no words would come even close . I love every minute off it , even getting up in the middle of the night and feeling soooo tiered , walking to his bed and looking down at him and he just smiles at me , makes it all worth it .
DH is really good with him , the first thing when he gets home is always Babycuddles , he takes him when I need a break .

It is much easier now that he is sleeping through the night , I know how long he goes beween bottles and we allready had a few outings with him too .

I love how much he has changed and everyday he does something new , I love watching him grow a little bit each day .

Looking back at the pregnancy pictures and the U/S pictures , I remember the excitment and wonder of how my stomach got bigger and when I felt him move . And now I can hold him in my arms ... I am very blessed and lucky to be a Mama .

I wish that all the women who are TTC will get their wish

I thought I should update my blog after month has passed and Ben is now nearly 4 month old , somehow it feels like he has been with us for a lot longer but time just seems to fly by .


3 Month old

My little Men had a exciting month , we spend a week at my Parents , who looooved spending time with their Grandson . And so did his Cousins , when he gets older , I need to be careful that his head won't get to big with all this talk about how clever and cute he is :) .

I stoped Breastfeading , it was a hard decision to make but it is the best for Ben . Now he put on over 500g in just over a week , so I know it was the right thing to do .
He alredy had 2 of his 3 immunisations and no sideeffects , maybe a bit more sleepy during the next 2 days .

He started waking up only once during the night and we got a good nighttime routine down , the 3 B's ... bath , bottle & bed LOL

Ben spends most of his time in his bouncy playing with his toys , he is very alert and interested in people ( he stares at them first and then just smiles )

3 1/2 Month
Started him on some Baby rice in the evenings and now he is sleeping through YAY




2 Month old


Having some trouble breatfeeding , after a while my nipples started cracking and bleeding , thank God for nipple shields . Midwife visits stoped and now the Healthvisitor took over . Ben is nearly back up to his Birthweight but I'm getting concerend that he is not gaining enough .
All his newborn clothes are to small now , my little men is quite long and skinny .
It was super hot so most of the time he spend in his onies or just a nappy , too hot to do much .
He is awake a lot longer and I'm trying to get him into some kind of routine


1 Month old


After staying a week in the Hospital , I was quite nervous to go back home , DH &I would be on our own caring for Ben . Sure the Midwifes would come and check in but not like the Hospital where I could call and somebody would show up in minutes LOL

DH was wonderful , taking care of me and Ben , since I was not aloud to do much yet . I spend the most time with Ben on my Boobs feeding , had quite a few visitors and everybody fell in love with him .
The first Bath with his Daddy holding him and his first time out ( he was asleep for most of the time ) where this month millestones . Finding my feed as a new Mama , when DH went back to work ( "I'm only a phone call away if u need me ") and taking naps whenever I could .

THE BIRTH

At long last I have some time to put this up , I wrote this while still in Hospital just after giving Birth . Gonna have to update quite a lot on here

What a weekend I had !

Saturday : I arrived at the hospital at 7 am , got hocked up to the CZG and no Contaractions , after 15 min I got given the first pill (25 mg ) to get me started , after 4 I had to go back . CTG again and no contractions , again 25 mg pill . Had to go back after 4 Hours , had one or two contratcions and stared thinking OK maybe things get moving . Went back and the dose got uped to 50 mg , 4 hours and maybe one or two contratcions later , CTG and 1 Contration showed up , dose went up to 100 mg . No internal checks , got told that was it for the day .
I was really disapionted , I thought ok they start this and Ben will come .

Sunday : started again at 7 in the morning , super tired becaus I'm sharing a room with 2 people with newborns , one who came in at 2 in the morning and the babies were brought in to be fed at 4 am , then at 6 am the nurses started making rounds . So not an awful lot sleep .
This time they started me off with 100 mg , during the night I had a few contrations but nothing really painfull , CTG again and had to go back after 5 hours .
Then when I went back at 12 pm CTG and I had contractions , no Pill but got checked 2 CM dilated . Got told to walk around and see if they get more frequent and be back at 4 pm . Well they did 2-3 min apart and stoped me in my tracks when they came , I only made it to 3 pm before going back , they checked me because I had some bleeding and I was 7 cm ! dilated . THE miswife told me to get changed onto whatever I wanted to wear while giving bith because Ben was coming !

After I got changed , they put the CTG back on but this time I was aloud to stand while I was on it , after a while I got checked and my water was no burst and Ben's head was still high .
After 3 hours I was put on a drip to make my Contrations stronger and I had to lie on the bed , I was in quite a bit off pain but thought I can do this , my Baby is coming .

At just after 7 I had enough and asked for some painkillers to take the egde off , I got them at they rechecked 9 cm but still intakt water . Midwife didn't want to burst it because it would be easier for him to come down this way .
At quarter to 10 pm I was in so much pain but still no bursting water and Head still high , Midwife wanted to burst the water but I wanted an Epi first ( after all this time I was tired and in so much pain , I couldn't go on )

So the Epi person came ( no idea how to spell the proper name ) and I got my Epi , but it didn't take the egde off , COntrations still painfull and even if I pressed the button to get a top up , nothing happend .
The Doc came in and burst my water and put the drip up , to get more contractions , 10 cm dilated but head still high and not moving down , so I had to turn from side to side to get him moving , he was stuck on my bone , they keeped turning the drip up and I had the urge to push down but nothing happend , apart form being in total agony , it felt like my pubic bone was getting smashed from the inside .

The Epi didn't help at all and the Midwife and Doc keeped talking in the corner of the room , at 11.30 pm they came up to me and explained the I could keep trying but there was no garantie that it would make a diffrence and end up with a C-Section or go for it now and avoid a emergency one .
I was in so much pain , I didn't care and said go ahead and do it . Singed all the paperwork , got something to stop contrations and was taken to theater .

There they did the Epi again and again and again , this is where I found out why I was still in so much pain , the first one didn't work at all , they didnt hit whatever they where supost to hit (Because I was thinking this hole Epi crap is stupid if ur still in pain after )
So they did one last try before knocking me out totally and that would mean I would see my little Boy when I woke up and DH could not be with me either .

Thank God this time they hit the right spot and I went all numb , DH came in and they started cutting me open . I had the shakes real bad in my arms and could not hold them still , while my lower half was totally numb , realy strage feeling .

My little Boy was born on Sunday the 2nd of May at 11.52 pm , weighing in at 9.7 lbs and 21.6 inches and the reason the he didn't come out vaginaly was that his shoulds wouldn't get past my bones , no way no how .

So I didn't have the waterbirt I wanted but at least I had some painfree labor experience , I got to breastfeed Ben straight away , having a few latching problems at the moment . Feeling quite sore at the moment but got up and walked around a bit , sad thing is Ben is not staying in the same room with me because I can't lift properly or get out of bed quick enough to do things for him . During the day when DH is here he stays with me and at night I take him to the Nursery and then bring him when he is hungry to feed .

40 Weeks and no Baby yet

Ok so I'm over my Due Date and no sign of my little men yet . Tomorrow I'm doing to be induced , slightly worried about it , I heard the pain is more instant than gradully building up .
But I am so ready to finally meet my little Boy .
Not sure if my Birth will go like I wanted it to but one thing I learned about my Life is nothing is going acording to plan and still works out in the end .

39 Weeks

Nearly time for my little Boy to come , it could be any day now . This wait is hard with with my hormone all over the place , one minute I can't wait for Ben to be here , then I don't want the pregnancy to be over .

~I'm scared that I won't be a good mum , what if it's all wrong for me and I just find that out when he is here .
~I can't wait to be a Mum , because that's what I wanted for so long and I just want to take care of my Baby
~Will I ever have time for myself again , do things I used to do ?
~I want to see what he looks like , more like me or Steve ?
~How will I manage the daily stuff , hopefully it won't be too long till I have a routine worked out that will make us both happy .

Just a few things my freaky mind comes up with on daily bases , changing all the time , from happy & can't wait to sad & worried .
Gotta love those hormones