Little Rant

Ok so we are moving again in January , no problem , even though it has been onlky 6 month by then we"ve been in this House BUT whatever .
The posting Order said Bielefeld , Germany , HUGE YAY , close to my Family but not that close , big City with loads of things to do , Buses and Taxie's .

That was last week , fastfoword to today , DH told me that the Squadron where he will work is moving to Guetersloh :{
All I said was they better move us to right to the new place because I will not start doing this moving every couple of month thing again .
While in Italy I moved to 3 diffrent houses and I have enough of packing . All I want is a home for a couple of years , even 2 years would be fine by me , just let me have some peace before sending me packing again .

Abbie 10 month and Ben 27 month

Ben is really into his puzzles at the moment and I don't mean Baby ones , oh no 3+ years ones :)
No Idea where he got it from , defendly not from me , I don't have the patience .

Mouse is still Zombie crawling but can get up into sitting by herself , started to try to pull herself up and finnaly eating food with bits in ( without pucking )

DH and I had a talk about #3 , I'm game and he is not :(
First he said he would get the snip but now he wants to wait till we move before going in , ok Buster so u don't want any more Kids but still leave room for erroer every month .
So I'm going to have an IUI fitted , it's better for me than the Pill ( keep forgetting ) Depo shot ( made me sick ) and don't really fancy the ring or femdom . And Condoms are just a pain , because DH like to wait a bit before putting it on .

Apart from that same old here , quite nice for a change

Still Standing Magazine's August blog hop

I read about this on another Blog I#m following about a Women and her stillborn Baby Boy Finley . 

We meet only once a week or so before she gave birth to Finley , then I heard that Finley passed away , my heart broke for her and her little Boy . 

I had pregnancy losses , not as far along as hers , all of them before 12 weeks . They hurt bad , I was so angry and sad , I hated my Body for letting me down . I hated other women who got to hold their Babies , why did my Baby die ? 

I never wanted to feel this way ever again , crying myself to sleep , faking happiness at my friends pregnancies . Meeting their Baby's and watching them grow . 

It took years for me to get pregnant , there where tests , bodywork's , U/S , checking my whole Body and my tubes . When my period was first late and then very heavy and long , I didn't think any of it but when it was 2 weeks of bleeding and cramps I went to my OB .

I remember telling him about my heavy period and mentioned that I had a cyst before , so he wanted to check that everything was ok . 

I was watching the Monitor when he zoomed in a little round bubble and said U are Pregnant but there is no Heartbeat and with the heavy bleeding , it doesn't look good .

I was stunned , I didn't knew I was pregnant and it was already over ? Telling my Husband was hard , we keeped telling each other that it will be different next time . 

Next time I found out on his Birthday , 2 positive tests , my Beta rising , this was it ! 

Then I started bleeding , rushed to the hospital for an U/S , no HB at 7 weeks but I couldn't give up on my Baby . I beg them to let me wait longer before deciding anything , 2 weeks with blood tests every other day , U/S which showed no HB .

After the 2 weeks my Body started absorbing my Baby  , I still had to have a D&C to remove the rest of the Placenta . 

I went in pregnant and left with feeling empty , crying myself to sleep for a long time . I lost hope .

Then I fell  pregnant again , Twins , one of them died around 6 weeks . The other had a Heartbeat but I didn't want to bond with this little life in me . I was too scared that it would end like the others , I had a lot of U/S in the first 12 weeks . Constant checking for the HB & Growth , orders to stay of my feet as much as possible , no sport , sex or lifting anything .

The Baby made it , my healthy Boy , I did bond with him after a while , opened my heart to my Rainbow Baby , my Miracle .

And then there was another Miracle my little Girl , I got pregnant again . At the first U/S I heard her heart beating away , the best sound in the world to me .

I still think about my Angels , I even talk about them to some People , most don't understand . Why am I sad ? It was so long ago , I have Children now , why dwell on the past ? 

For me it's not the past , it's a part of me and will always be there .

Why did I choose to tell my story ? Because there are so many Women out there who lost their Child and feel alone .
There is this quote : I can't make it better but I can make it less lonely