New Title , nearly new Year

Right , so last time I left here was just before Miss Maus Birthday and now it's Christmas , let me tell you what happend inbetween .

Ok Abbie's Birthday Party was canceled and pushed back a week because Ben had Croup , scary stuff . For those of you´who haven't encountered it let me explain .
Ben couldn't breath properly , it was more w wheezing and the cough OMG it was more like barking and he couldn't catch his breath . After a lovely morning spend at the Hospital , my Baby was allowed home with some Steroids Juice but he was extremly contagious , so no Party .

The Party was lush , my little Girl had so many People come out and celebrate with her , there where Ballons and Cake and loads of yummy Food . Abbie had a pile of presents and is now the proud Doll Mama to quite a few Babies .

In November my Next Door Neighbour and good Friend moved back to the UK , sniff sniff , really do miss her . She had a good Bye Party  and I nearly made her cry with a Card from all of us wishing them the Best Journey and new Life back in England .
And when it came time to say Good bye for real , we cried .... a lot .

On our Move back to Germany , we are not going in January , we are going in April ... need I say more ?
Any way this gives me more time to see some Italy , like downtown Naples , Amalfi Coast and some other stuff . Just need to get DH round to seeing it my way , he is not the most adventures Guy , rather sits at home plays on the Xbox .

Right so now we are at Christmas time , we did it all , baked Cookies , watched the Movies , wraped Presents and seen Santa ( not the best Pictures , who am I kidding they are crap . Ben screamed , Abbie didn't look at the Photografer and 5 Pics and we were done . Not even 5 frecking minutes and it was over )
On the 24th we are having German Christmas ( Potatoe Salad and Sausage ) and on the 25th presents in the Morning and Christmas Dinner at ours , for 8 Grownups and 6 Kids ... yeah I must be crazy . Thankfully everybody is pitching in and bringing some food otherwise I would go nuts trying to do it all .

Little Round up form the Kids

Ben : 2 1/2 Years , talking a lot and constantly ( Where is this or That ? What was that ?)
Gonna start potty training soon , He is telling me when has to poo and pee .
Getting a bit fussy with what he eats , if he doesn't eat , I don't force him . Trust me I tried but the screaming was more than I could handel , so if he doen't want to eat before Bed he goes to Bed with no food . And has a Huge Breakfast in the morning LOL

Abbie : 1 year and 2 month , saying a couple of words , not quite walking yet after a few steeps she drops down and crawls the rest .
Decided she doesn't want to be feed anymore , she is feeding herself , with her fingers for now ( spoon is going everywhere but her mouth )
Loves Animals , Cats , Dogs you name it , some don't even run off and let her stroke/poke them LOL

 

Shopping and Party Fever

Today was 75 % off already reduced Clothes , I was in haven :)
Stocked up with tons of cute little Girl clothes size 2 & 3 for Miss Maus , now FX she is not gonna outgrow them before she can wear them .
I just love shopping for Kids clothes , I can spend hour ( much to the dislike of my Babies and Husband ) looking at Tops and trousers and my all time Favourite PJs .
Ben has tons of cute ones , Firetrucks , Dinos , Thomas ones . I would like to get him some onies again , he is still wearing Nappies so there would be no problem with going potty during the night .

I was gonna get some for Abbie's Birthday but at the moment there are none in her size , we mostly shop for clothes in the American Shops here . The Italian Sizes are funny , smaller than normal adn it's hard to find soemthing that I like . Oh well there is always Ebay ... oh Honey , I will be on the computer for a while

Ok Party fever , I can't belive that my Baby Girl will be 1 soon . It's Party planning central here , got the Plates , Cups , Tablecloth and Napkins all with multicoloured Polka dots , Party Loot Bags with stripes and a 1 on them , Party Favours ( armbands , wistles , airplanes and some sweets ) .
Nearly done the Mealplan and got most of her Presents and a few small ones for Ben .

Just one Couple hasn't responded yet if they are coming or not ( they have a Boy age 4 , who plays with Ben and the Guy works with DH ) I invited them because I could not invite them , if that makes sence ?
The Boy is diagnosed with ADHD and boy sometimes he can be a handful , he is really ruff with Ben sometimes , like he really wants to hurt him . He pushes and hits , gets him ina  chokehold and his Parents are not watching him all the time . He runs riot when he is here and if DH and I don't keep an eye on him , he goes exploring through the whole house ( it's at a point now where we block of the stairs so he can't go up )
So to be honest I wouldn' be sad if they didn't come , there is a few things with the Parents going on too , basicly I don't like being lied to . Tell me the truth even if it hurts , not too much to ask I think .

Nearly 1

Abbie is nearly 1 years old , hard to believe , she is still so little .
Miss Maus got tooth # 5 coming through , she is standing holding on to things and is walking along sofas or her walker .
Bit of a picky eater , still has 3 bottles a day with her meals , has a nap for 2 hours during the day .
Is waving and saying bye bye , no and Mama & Daddy , loves to play with her Brother and things that she shouldn't .
We have cuddles after breakfast every morning till Ben wakes up and before she does to sleep .
I am so in love with her , I can't stop kissing and cuddeling her , luckiely she is happy to get kisses .

Ben is nearly 2 1/2 years old , my little Boy is getting so big .
Sometimes I look at him and I can't believe how tall he is , how smart and how well he is talking .
What happend to my Baby ? He is playing outside every day with his Friends , eats pretty much anything and he is talking so much ( and u can understand him )
I think he is ready to go to kindergarten , when we are in Toddlergroup , he doesn't bother with me at all , goes off and plays with the Kids , sits down for snack time and craft time and is rather upset when it's time to go home .

I love being a Mama of 2 , I do wish we could make it three but DH is really against it . I know I keep going on about that but it plays on my mind . Before Ben and Abbie when I seen somebody wishing for # 2 or 3 I always thought , come on u already have a child , be happy with that . My wish is stronger than urs , I don't have any yet but it's diffrent now . I know what it feels like to hold ur newborn , how it feels like to feel ur baby move in you .

I want to feel that again , I want to raise another child but I could never trick my DH , I want him to be excited too , not resentful .

And right now I should concentrate on getting healthier ( aka slim down ) , wait to hera the Pap test results and see what is happening with DH muscle Biopsy .

That Autum Feeling

If you ask me which is my favourite Season , I would say Christmas . But latley I starting to love Autum , the weather is nice , it's Abbie's first Birthday in October , Halloween is coming and the Food is getting richer again ( Stew , Soup and Roasts yummy )

There is so much I want to do with Ben , collecting Leaves , decorate Pumpkins and make Costumes ( he will be Thomas the Tank Engine ) .
Spend the last warm Days outside , playing and bbqing with Friends

Abbie is getting so big , she started to pull herself up and tries to take a few steps , while holding on to her toys . She waves byebye and hello and even says Byebye and Hi .
She loves her big Brothers toys ( Trains , Cars and his books ) , DH and I always said we wouldn't spoil our Kids , that went out a long time ago . Now we say that it wil stop once they excepting toys and sweets , if it became the norm . So far when we say no , he mostly excepts it .

Getting excited to move next year , so much to do before though , Abbie's Passport , get the Cats ready for moveing and there is a lot DH will have to do , like apply for the new place .

And now Baby Spam

Little Rant

Ok so we are moving again in January , no problem , even though it has been onlky 6 month by then we"ve been in this House BUT whatever .
The posting Order said Bielefeld , Germany , HUGE YAY , close to my Family but not that close , big City with loads of things to do , Buses and Taxie's .

That was last week , fastfoword to today , DH told me that the Squadron where he will work is moving to Guetersloh :{
All I said was they better move us to right to the new place because I will not start doing this moving every couple of month thing again .
While in Italy I moved to 3 diffrent houses and I have enough of packing . All I want is a home for a couple of years , even 2 years would be fine by me , just let me have some peace before sending me packing again .

Abbie 10 month and Ben 27 month

Ben is really into his puzzles at the moment and I don't mean Baby ones , oh no 3+ years ones :)
No Idea where he got it from , defendly not from me , I don't have the patience .

Mouse is still Zombie crawling but can get up into sitting by herself , started to try to pull herself up and finnaly eating food with bits in ( without pucking )

DH and I had a talk about #3 , I'm game and he is not :(
First he said he would get the snip but now he wants to wait till we move before going in , ok Buster so u don't want any more Kids but still leave room for erroer every month .
So I'm going to have an IUI fitted , it's better for me than the Pill ( keep forgetting ) Depo shot ( made me sick ) and don't really fancy the ring or femdom . And Condoms are just a pain , because DH like to wait a bit before putting it on .

Apart from that same old here , quite nice for a change

Still Standing Magazine's August blog hop

I read about this on another Blog I#m following about a Women and her stillborn Baby Boy Finley . 

We meet only once a week or so before she gave birth to Finley , then I heard that Finley passed away , my heart broke for her and her little Boy . 

I had pregnancy losses , not as far along as hers , all of them before 12 weeks . They hurt bad , I was so angry and sad , I hated my Body for letting me down . I hated other women who got to hold their Babies , why did my Baby die ? 

I never wanted to feel this way ever again , crying myself to sleep , faking happiness at my friends pregnancies . Meeting their Baby's and watching them grow . 

It took years for me to get pregnant , there where tests , bodywork's , U/S , checking my whole Body and my tubes . When my period was first late and then very heavy and long , I didn't think any of it but when it was 2 weeks of bleeding and cramps I went to my OB .

I remember telling him about my heavy period and mentioned that I had a cyst before , so he wanted to check that everything was ok . 

I was watching the Monitor when he zoomed in a little round bubble and said U are Pregnant but there is no Heartbeat and with the heavy bleeding , it doesn't look good .

I was stunned , I didn't knew I was pregnant and it was already over ? Telling my Husband was hard , we keeped telling each other that it will be different next time . 

Next time I found out on his Birthday , 2 positive tests , my Beta rising , this was it ! 

Then I started bleeding , rushed to the hospital for an U/S , no HB at 7 weeks but I couldn't give up on my Baby . I beg them to let me wait longer before deciding anything , 2 weeks with blood tests every other day , U/S which showed no HB .

After the 2 weeks my Body started absorbing my Baby  , I still had to have a D&C to remove the rest of the Placenta . 

I went in pregnant and left with feeling empty , crying myself to sleep for a long time . I lost hope .

Then I fell  pregnant again , Twins , one of them died around 6 weeks . The other had a Heartbeat but I didn't want to bond with this little life in me . I was too scared that it would end like the others , I had a lot of U/S in the first 12 weeks . Constant checking for the HB & Growth , orders to stay of my feet as much as possible , no sport , sex or lifting anything .

The Baby made it , my healthy Boy , I did bond with him after a while , opened my heart to my Rainbow Baby , my Miracle .

And then there was another Miracle my little Girl , I got pregnant again . At the first U/S I heard her heart beating away , the best sound in the world to me .

I still think about my Angels , I even talk about them to some People , most don't understand . Why am I sad ? It was so long ago , I have Children now , why dwell on the past ? 

For me it's not the past , it's a part of me and will always be there .

Why did I choose to tell my story ? Because there are so many Women out there who lost their Child and feel alone .
There is this quote : I can't make it better but I can make it less lonely 

Good and Bad Times

Ok let's start with the good
~ holding my Baby Girl when she is asleep , it just feels so right when she is in my arms , she is a part of me
~ Baby Boy sitting next to me while we are eating , it always amazes me how grown up he is ( he is two but anyways u know what I mean ) , looking at his profile fills me with love

the bad
~ I wish my DH would get what makes me so angry with him , just help me out without me having to tell u every single time , it didn't change from yesterday and tomorrow it will still be the done the same way .
It's routine , it's boring but JUST DO IT .
Why is it that Men need instructions for everything , emptying the bins , washing up uuugh
Sundays used to be so nice , now it's a day where I have to do everything I do during the week but with DH under my feet too , unless I say do this , do that he won't.
I should have looked for a Husband who helps but hey I do love mine , good thing too , that way will ensure him staying 6 feet over ground some days .

I am so lazy

I should start doing what i always say I will do , post more !

Stats on Ben & Abbie 

Age : Ben 2 Years 2 Month , Abbie 9 Month 

Weight & Height : Absolutely no Idea , I keep meaning to weigh and measser them but never get around to do it 

New Skills : Ben is talking A LOT ( German & English ) Abbie is zombie crawling 

What else is new ? New House but only till January , we are moving back to Germany YAY . I do like Italy most days but going back to a place where I can speak the language is great ( not to mention my Family ) 
The new House is cosy ... read small ... but we seen that as an opportunity to get rid of stuff , well me at least . DH is dragging his feet and some of the dead Hobbies are still hanging around ( Guitar , Telescope , Language sets , Drawing board , Golf Clubs etc ) and Computer parts . 

My pet peeve , I look through my stuff and bin most of it , DH looks through his and move it to another box . I wish I could go through it , trust me it would all fit in one box . 

So what's new with you ? 
A little while ago on TWW one women posted a pee stick , my friend said she didn't see anything and the following of that women started bitching about my friend . 
On our DD group we talked about it the comments and the condition of that women and one of my so called "Friends " said we were all fucked up and should stop saying nasty thing . 
What nasty things u ask ? No idea but apparently we been spreading rumours and lies about this person and our "good Friend " took it upon herself to tell that person . 

Yours truly and the rest of my group got called every name in the book , we are just jealous and should rethink having children . ... nice . 
I tried to tell the story to the person but she choose to not believe me , after one post saying how she is gonna be more positive , she started again with how horrible we all are .

My response ? I deleted that blog from my reading list , let her believe what she wants . Why on earth do I care so much about this , I didn't say anything mean , they don't know me personally . 
But they kinda attacked my children and that shit doesn't fly ! 
I'm not the bad person here , I don't call them names or wish them harm but they did . Do I believe in  Karma , I do now 

 

Ben 22 Month & Abbie 5 Month

Summer is nearly here , it's getting warmer and the Rain has stopped . Which means new Wardrobe for 2 Kids , SHOPPING YAY .

If anybody would have told me 3 Years ago I would have 2 Kids , I probably would be in tears and screaming at them to stop taunting me .
Infertility is something that I can't forget , the pain and heartbreak sticks to me like glue . There are still moments when I can't believe they are my Children and then I hold them close and kiss them ( Ben is not a big Kisser but Abbie loves giving sloppy Baby kisses )
Don't know why I got so lucky but I did and I'm grateful .... which doesn't mean that sometimes they don't drive me crazy ;)

Ben is talking a lot now and we have to be very careful what we say around him , today he turned around to hid Daddy and said " Ok already " after he got told to stop playing with Daddy's tools . Every Cat is Tessie or Kätzchen , Donkeys , Horses and Giraffes are Aih and car journeys have a running comentary of Car Car Truck Car , sometimes Copter ( helicopter )

Abbie is starting to get solids now , Banana is ok but Rice Cerial is Devils food and has to be spit out at once . Still not rolling over but she can get to where she wants on her back doing a worm motion ( I think it would be a lot easier on her tummy but what does Mama know , right )

I changed my Diet and started doing excersice , this year will be the year I lose the extra weight for the last time . It feels like a now or never , I don't want to leave Italy looking like I came here . I want to look and feel better , not like last summer so fat and swollen and sweating so badly . Even though I didn't put on much weight during the Pregnancy the weight that was already there made it harder on me . And I want to wear cute clothes !

Abbie @ 14 Weeks and Ben @ 20 Month , my life as a Mama of 2 under 2

Well so far so good , Abbie is having one Nightfeed and most nights she is sleeping through and has her feed between 5 - 6 am , after we go to sleep all snuggeled up . Love it !

Ben is talking up a storm , we have to be so careful what we say in front of him , he is repeating EVERYTHING . Still loves his Books and Trains , Cars and tormenting the Cats .
He is such a good Eater and will try anything .

DH and I are getting so snippy , he says it's tieredness , I think if we tried harder we would stop bitting each others heads off . I will do my best not to take everything he says like critisism and just tune out when he starts his whinging . One would think it's my Toddler is the problem but no it's my Husband maybe the second childhood or it's this place .

We need to move again and I'm so feed up with it all , no Idea when or where we are moving , maybe he is getting promoted and that would mean moving to another Country or he could be getting made redundant and then we would be moving into our House .
AND the bummer is there is nothing I can do but wait and see what happens , I HATE WAITING !!!!