Nearly 2011

So we had our "first" Christmas , since Mai there where a lot of Firsts .
The First Day , the first Night next to me , the first day and night home and so many more .
I have to say that after nearly 8 month , I sometimes feel like I got this Mamathing in the bag ... mmmh better not say that out loud or I will regreat that later .

Ben has 2 teeth now , can sit by himself , is not crawling yet and keepes saying Daddy ( even though I keep saying Mama ) and is the love of my life (as well as his Daddy )

I feel quite good , been taking my Pills for weeks now and so far so good .

The reason for my post Our first Christmas , which we spend at my Parents . The German Part of Christmas in the evening on the 24th was a little overwelming for my Baby Boy . The opened a few of his presents but was not really into them .

Which changed the next day , English Christmas on the morning of the 25th , the loved ripping the paper of his presents and was playing with all of his new toys all day long .
It is hard as hell not to spoil him and for his FIRST I think it's ok ... that is my story and I'm sticking to it ;)

The first Tooth !

For a while now Ben has been drooling like crazy and I mean really bad , went through 3 or more tops and Bibs during one day . This morning he grabed my finger to have a chew , I felt a sharp point on his bottom gums and there it was the top of his first tooth .

He was not fuzzy or screaming while he was teething , so hopefully it will continue this way . I have the best Baby in the world , he sleeps through the night , eats without a fuss and now the theeting , makes me wonder if it will change when he is older . Good Baby = terrible toddler ?

For the first time in ages I feel happy , no depressions to cloud my day , there is always the fear that they will come back . It's the time of the year when I normaly felt down but so far so good .

I read back some of my posts and I don't always reconise myself in them , like I was a diffrent person when I was pregnant . Must have been the Hormones that made me feel better but then again not all the time .

27 Weeks

The six month mark came and went and I was to busy or lazy , depending on the way u look at it , so now here we are nearly 7 month old .

Ben is trying to sit by himself now , mostly leaning on one arm to support himself and still trying to figure out how to get to the really interessting looking things that ar just out of reach . For now he is doing the airplane , arms streched out and legs kicking like crazy just not on the floor , so no crawling yet .

He loves his food , he now get's a a hole portion for lunch and his Baby cerial before Bedtime and he sleepes through the night now , a full 12 hours

23 Weeks

I can't remember life without Ben , I tried and I just can't . I some ways it feels like he's been here forever and then I think it was just yesterday that I got home from the Hospital .

Really getting in the Christmas spirit ( I know quite early ) , started my Christmas Cards and looking for presents .
Deciding on what colours do to the tree in this year (silver/white) and I can't wait to see the look on Ben's face , taking him outside and showing him snow .
This year christmas will be extra special for this Family :)

Time flys

Now my Baby Boy is 5 1/2 month old , he can roll over , push himself up on his arms and move on his back in a circle . He makes loads of diffrent noises and loves trying new foods . He sleeps through the night , from 6.30 pm to about 7 am ( maybe wakes up once and needs his dummy ) has gone up a size in nappys and is now in 6-9 month clothes .
And he is such a happy baby , laughs and smiles loads and I am head over heals in love with him :)

I still get this ' OMG I'm a Mama ' feeling like it hasn't really set in yet and sometimes I'm worried that I make mistakes but on the hole I think I'm doing good

I LOVE BEING A MAMA !!!

I love my Baby Boy but today while I was changing his poopy Nappy , I felt such a rush of Love and Happines and all I could think of was I LOVE BEING A MOMMY !

I can not think of a anything I rather be or do for the rest of my life , that doesn't mean I will be getting pregnant anytime soon LOL
Just happy with my Husband and my Boy for now :)

Had a good Day :)

Little Stinky wasn't so stinky after all today , he had a good nights sleep and even had more luck with the bottle today . Maybe it was because I waited till he was telling me that he was hungry instead of going by timing his feeds , that he had more naps or just that I was more chilled today *Shrugs*
When he woke up this morning , we had long cuddles and then a small bottle and another nap , that was the routine for the hole day , play , eat & nap .

AND he rolled over TWICE as well , my clever little Boy :)

On a bad note , got a letter today saying that I should get Ben to a check up and send the letter back signed by the Doc . Thing is that is the German Health system , paid by the German Health Insurrance and I don't have any because I have Health Insurrence over my Husband (who is in the Army ) so I go to Army Doctors and have the same check ups for Ben like I would be living in the UK .
Tried calling to find out what those people wanted me to do but nobody could tell me and just took my # to call me back ... but they never did .
So hoping tomorrow things will be sorted out FX

Happy Baby turning into crabby Baby

That's what happened the last few days , always around 4 pm , just super fussy till he get's his Bath and food . Nothing I do makes him happy , which in turn makes me feel horible .
And the last few nights Ben hasn't sleeped that well either , waking up often and wanting to feed .
Just need to have a moan on here I guess , I'm just tired and would love to have a long sleep

Yes there is !

A life after TTC that is LOL , I spend the day with my Hubby & my Baby and I was happy . I love the cuddels I get when I pick my Son up in the mornings , the smiles I get and the sloopy Babykisses
A new part of my life started and it is what I always wanted , sometimes its hard work , sometimes I'm worried about makeing mistakes and sometimes I just plain don't have a clue .
But hey that is life and I will enjoy every minute of it :)

Is there Life after TTC ?


OLD PICTURE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love being a Mama , don't get me wrong , I love my little boy more than anything in the World . So happy and blessed to have him , so why do I feel the little niggel that makes me want to get some OPKs and see what happens ?????

I know I need to wait a year before starting to even think about another baby , but seeing my Online Friends with their BFP and reading about their O-dates , make me want to start again .

Which is crazy because it drove me nuts , sad and aparently I was soooo obcessed with it that my Honey was close to wanting to stop . I'm not sure if I want to start again because I want another Baby RIGHT NOW or is it because it's been a part of my life for so long that (now my Bump is gone and Ben is here ) I don't know how else to live .

My Honey is ready for another one and I would love to give Ben a little Sister or Brother but I know that now is not the right time , so I guess for now I will just keep checking what my Body is doing without doing anything about it :)

I did it !

Scrapbooking that is LOL

I looved to scrap but since little Man is here , I didn't really have the time . And if I took time out during the day , I felt incredibly guilty for not spending time with my Baby .

So a few nights ago I had the urgde to be creativ again and voila this was the result .
There might be more artistic pages or more creativ pages but this page is filled with so much love that it doesn't mather , not the wonkey writing , the not really matching colours . All that mather is the story behind it and catching that moment .

On another note my Boy rolled over for the first time yesterday !!!!!!!!!!!
He is not a big fan of tummy time and does not roll over from his front for love or money ...but when he was on his back yesterday and couldn't reach his toy , he just rolled right over on his tummy to get to it . Cue me being a super proud Mama :)

How Life is now

Right this moment as I'm updating my Blog , Ben is in his Nursery sleeping , which I will be doing soon too .
I'm could try and fit into words how wonderful it is to be a Mama but I know that no words would come even close . I love every minute off it , even getting up in the middle of the night and feeling soooo tiered , walking to his bed and looking down at him and he just smiles at me , makes it all worth it .
DH is really good with him , the first thing when he gets home is always Babycuddles , he takes him when I need a break .

It is much easier now that he is sleeping through the night , I know how long he goes beween bottles and we allready had a few outings with him too .

I love how much he has changed and everyday he does something new , I love watching him grow a little bit each day .

Looking back at the pregnancy pictures and the U/S pictures , I remember the excitment and wonder of how my stomach got bigger and when I felt him move . And now I can hold him in my arms ... I am very blessed and lucky to be a Mama .

I wish that all the women who are TTC will get their wish

I thought I should update my blog after month has passed and Ben is now nearly 4 month old , somehow it feels like he has been with us for a lot longer but time just seems to fly by .


3 Month old

My little Men had a exciting month , we spend a week at my Parents , who looooved spending time with their Grandson . And so did his Cousins , when he gets older , I need to be careful that his head won't get to big with all this talk about how clever and cute he is :) .

I stoped Breastfeading , it was a hard decision to make but it is the best for Ben . Now he put on over 500g in just over a week , so I know it was the right thing to do .
He alredy had 2 of his 3 immunisations and no sideeffects , maybe a bit more sleepy during the next 2 days .

He started waking up only once during the night and we got a good nighttime routine down , the 3 B's ... bath , bottle & bed LOL

Ben spends most of his time in his bouncy playing with his toys , he is very alert and interested in people ( he stares at them first and then just smiles )

3 1/2 Month
Started him on some Baby rice in the evenings and now he is sleeping through YAY




2 Month old


Having some trouble breatfeeding , after a while my nipples started cracking and bleeding , thank God for nipple shields . Midwife visits stoped and now the Healthvisitor took over . Ben is nearly back up to his Birthweight but I'm getting concerend that he is not gaining enough .
All his newborn clothes are to small now , my little men is quite long and skinny .
It was super hot so most of the time he spend in his onies or just a nappy , too hot to do much .
He is awake a lot longer and I'm trying to get him into some kind of routine


1 Month old


After staying a week in the Hospital , I was quite nervous to go back home , DH &I would be on our own caring for Ben . Sure the Midwifes would come and check in but not like the Hospital where I could call and somebody would show up in minutes LOL

DH was wonderful , taking care of me and Ben , since I was not aloud to do much yet . I spend the most time with Ben on my Boobs feeding , had quite a few visitors and everybody fell in love with him .
The first Bath with his Daddy holding him and his first time out ( he was asleep for most of the time ) where this month millestones . Finding my feed as a new Mama , when DH went back to work ( "I'm only a phone call away if u need me ") and taking naps whenever I could .

THE BIRTH

At long last I have some time to put this up , I wrote this while still in Hospital just after giving Birth . Gonna have to update quite a lot on here

What a weekend I had !

Saturday : I arrived at the hospital at 7 am , got hocked up to the CZG and no Contaractions , after 15 min I got given the first pill (25 mg ) to get me started , after 4 I had to go back . CTG again and no contractions , again 25 mg pill . Had to go back after 4 Hours , had one or two contratcions and stared thinking OK maybe things get moving . Went back and the dose got uped to 50 mg , 4 hours and maybe one or two contratcions later , CTG and 1 Contration showed up , dose went up to 100 mg . No internal checks , got told that was it for the day .
I was really disapionted , I thought ok they start this and Ben will come .

Sunday : started again at 7 in the morning , super tired becaus I'm sharing a room with 2 people with newborns , one who came in at 2 in the morning and the babies were brought in to be fed at 4 am , then at 6 am the nurses started making rounds . So not an awful lot sleep .
This time they started me off with 100 mg , during the night I had a few contrations but nothing really painfull , CTG again and had to go back after 5 hours .
Then when I went back at 12 pm CTG and I had contractions , no Pill but got checked 2 CM dilated . Got told to walk around and see if they get more frequent and be back at 4 pm . Well they did 2-3 min apart and stoped me in my tracks when they came , I only made it to 3 pm before going back , they checked me because I had some bleeding and I was 7 cm ! dilated . THE miswife told me to get changed onto whatever I wanted to wear while giving bith because Ben was coming !

After I got changed , they put the CTG back on but this time I was aloud to stand while I was on it , after a while I got checked and my water was no burst and Ben's head was still high .
After 3 hours I was put on a drip to make my Contrations stronger and I had to lie on the bed , I was in quite a bit off pain but thought I can do this , my Baby is coming .

At just after 7 I had enough and asked for some painkillers to take the egde off , I got them at they rechecked 9 cm but still intakt water . Midwife didn't want to burst it because it would be easier for him to come down this way .
At quarter to 10 pm I was in so much pain but still no bursting water and Head still high , Midwife wanted to burst the water but I wanted an Epi first ( after all this time I was tired and in so much pain , I couldn't go on )

So the Epi person came ( no idea how to spell the proper name ) and I got my Epi , but it didn't take the egde off , COntrations still painfull and even if I pressed the button to get a top up , nothing happend .
The Doc came in and burst my water and put the drip up , to get more contractions , 10 cm dilated but head still high and not moving down , so I had to turn from side to side to get him moving , he was stuck on my bone , they keeped turning the drip up and I had the urge to push down but nothing happend , apart form being in total agony , it felt like my pubic bone was getting smashed from the inside .

The Epi didn't help at all and the Midwife and Doc keeped talking in the corner of the room , at 11.30 pm they came up to me and explained the I could keep trying but there was no garantie that it would make a diffrence and end up with a C-Section or go for it now and avoid a emergency one .
I was in so much pain , I didn't care and said go ahead and do it . Singed all the paperwork , got something to stop contrations and was taken to theater .

There they did the Epi again and again and again , this is where I found out why I was still in so much pain , the first one didn't work at all , they didnt hit whatever they where supost to hit (Because I was thinking this hole Epi crap is stupid if ur still in pain after )
So they did one last try before knocking me out totally and that would mean I would see my little Boy when I woke up and DH could not be with me either .

Thank God this time they hit the right spot and I went all numb , DH came in and they started cutting me open . I had the shakes real bad in my arms and could not hold them still , while my lower half was totally numb , realy strage feeling .

My little Boy was born on Sunday the 2nd of May at 11.52 pm , weighing in at 9.7 lbs and 21.6 inches and the reason the he didn't come out vaginaly was that his shoulds wouldn't get past my bones , no way no how .

So I didn't have the waterbirt I wanted but at least I had some painfree labor experience , I got to breastfeed Ben straight away , having a few latching problems at the moment . Feeling quite sore at the moment but got up and walked around a bit , sad thing is Ben is not staying in the same room with me because I can't lift properly or get out of bed quick enough to do things for him . During the day when DH is here he stays with me and at night I take him to the Nursery and then bring him when he is hungry to feed .

40 Weeks and no Baby yet

Ok so I'm over my Due Date and no sign of my little men yet . Tomorrow I'm doing to be induced , slightly worried about it , I heard the pain is more instant than gradully building up .
But I am so ready to finally meet my little Boy .
Not sure if my Birth will go like I wanted it to but one thing I learned about my Life is nothing is going acording to plan and still works out in the end .

39 Weeks

Nearly time for my little Boy to come , it could be any day now . This wait is hard with with my hormone all over the place , one minute I can't wait for Ben to be here , then I don't want the pregnancy to be over .

~I'm scared that I won't be a good mum , what if it's all wrong for me and I just find that out when he is here .
~I can't wait to be a Mum , because that's what I wanted for so long and I just want to take care of my Baby
~Will I ever have time for myself again , do things I used to do ?
~I want to see what he looks like , more like me or Steve ?
~How will I manage the daily stuff , hopefully it won't be too long till I have a routine worked out that will make us both happy .

Just a few things my freaky mind comes up with on daily bases , changing all the time , from happy & can't wait to sad & worried .
Gotta love those hormones

38 Weeks

I am getting bigger by the day or at least that's how I feel LOL . Getting dressed in the mornings is mainly finding something that coveres the Bump and the strechy part of my Trousers .

Had a Midwife check up today , all good , Ben is halfway in (meaning my pelvis , I presume ) and still a happy Bunny , moving a lot .
I'm getting a lot of backpain and low cramps , everybody keeps saying that he is coming soon . On one hand I really really want to hold him and see what he looks like but I still like being pregnant and don't want it to be over yet .

36 Weeks & 2 Days

My gorgeous little Boy , finally a Face shoot ! It started out with a side view with his hand next to his face and him moving his mouth (looked like he was talking )

Everything checked out fine , had 2 contractions within half an hour while being monitored . So either they are false labour and he is just moving down or I better get ready to meet him soon . The estimated weight now is 7.9 lbs , a big boy !

I still have over 3 weeks to go or as my Doc put it as long as my uterus can carry all that weight . Give me a little more time Baby , Mama needs to get some stuff organized and then U can come

34 Weeks

OMG , time flys by , only 6 weeks left now .
At my last U/S Ben was 5.1 lbs and that was like 2 weeks ago , I wonder how big he is now ? Tomorrow I see my Midwife again (FX it's the nice one ) and then I bet I will get to hear about his size again . But my Doc was not worried about it , so I won't be either . I was a big baby and so was my Sister , both of us came out no problem (and with my hips , I doubt there will be a size issue ; ) )

Nesting hasn't kicked in yet , so the Nursery or should I say the room where the nursery is gonna be in is still full of boxes and it's a mess .
Will make a list of all the things I still need and really really start on buying some nappys

The last few days made me realize how lucky and blessed I am to be carring my healthy little Boy , one women in my DDC lost her Baby . It was a little Boy and she was due a few days before me , She noticed that he wasn't moving and checked his HB . When she couldn't find one , her Husband and her went straight to L&D but the U/S showed the her Baby passed away . The Cord was around his neck and no HB .
She delievered him this past weekend , my heart goes out to her and her family .

31 Weeks

When Steve took this Picture of me , I was soooo shocked , I did not think I was that big . Looks a lot smaller when u look down on my bump
Now I get why people say that Ben is gonna be a big baby LOL

Next week I got a U/S and finaly get to see Ben again (it's been nearly 3 month ) and hopefuly they can give me a estimate on how big is is gonna get .
At my M/W check up at 30 weeks , my tummy meassured 33 weeks , which ment my Midwife started talking about C-section and stuff .
Still hoping that it won't come to that and that I can have a natural med free (I must be crazy) birth .
Reading Ina May guide to childbirth at the moment and loving every minute of it , I wish I could go and have Ben with one of those Midwifes , in a Birthing house instead a Hospital .

Which reminds me I really need to put my name down to go and see the L&D ward in Hannover

Parents Education Class

And Steve had to work , so I went on my own , apart from me there where 3 more without Partner there and about 15 with .
I was really interesting , about Pain relief when to go to the Hospital and what happens after .

First my Plan was to get a walking epi BUT aparently it's either the full one or nothing . I think I will try the birth pool and no epi and see how it goes , there us always the option to get one if I really can't take it anymore .

And I will definitely breastfeed and later on pump so My Honey can help and share ( which I think he is looking forward to )

Only 10 and a bit weeks to go , and nothing is ready or washed and loads to still get , wonder when my nesting will kick in .

29 Weeks

I couldn't wait any longer and called my Midwife , THE TEST CAME BACK NORMAL YAY No gestational diabetes !!!!
Next check up is next week , I wonder if I still gonna measure bigger then .

Spend the weekend with my Family , who hasn't seem me for like a month , they were quite surprised at how I looked . I had the feeling that I might have lost some weight but because DH see's me everyday , he didn't noticed .
But when all I got told how much thinner my Face and rest of my Body looked I was quite pleased . I love my Bump and the fact that u can really tell that there is a baby in there , I always walk with it proudly on display .
Took me years to get to here and I will enjoy every minute of it !

28 Weeks , Midwife check up

Had my M/W check up and Glucose Test . The test was better than I thought , the stuff I had to drink didn't really taste of anything . Just the consitensi was horrible , really thick like Syrup and sweet .
So I had my blood taken and now gotta wait till I hear from them : ( , I decidet I will call if I didn't hear anything by Tuesday . It does play on my mind and I really hope that I don't have Diabetes .

My Bloodpressure was fine and no protein in my Urin , HB was strong and when he had enough of the proding he kicked to get it to move .

AND when she measured my Bump , I measured 2 weeks ahead OMG
So that's why everybody keeps telling me that Ben is a big Baby
Now only hoping that it's not down to Gestational diabetes , only a big Baby

26 Weeks

Under 100 days till my DD , crazy at the beginning I thought it would be sooo long and now time just went by so fast .

I thought that once I was pregnant I would wake up and think OMG I'm having a baby but now I kinda got used to the bump (well mostly , sometimes I don't quite make it through gaps ) but then when I do something so everyday and routine , I get a kick from Ben as a reminder that he is there and I just smile and hold my Bump .
Those moments make me thankfull that he is growing in me and how lucky I am that I'm pregnant .

DH and I had a mild case of food posioning over the weekend , I never been sick so much and voilently in all my life , thankfully Ben kicked me all day , so I didn't have to worry about him as well .
Went to see a Doc jsut to make sure my little boy was really ok and he was : ) , HB was good and when she felt my tummy she just told me he is a big baby , OK what do u mean BIG ?
2 weeks till my next M/W appiontment so hopefully she will feel again and let me know a little more .

25 Weeks

My SIL had her little Girl today , makes me think about Ben's birth . I should make a birthplan or at least think about what I would like the birth to be , I have a few things I want but mostly no idea LOL

DH still hasn't feelt Ben move , everytime he is kicking like crazy and I grab DH hand so he can feel it too , Ben stops . Little Boy is being very stubborn : )

Got quite a bit for the nursery , now will be looking into Nappies , wipes & stuff . Just need to figure out the sizes

24 Weeks

WOW now I really getting kicked , it seems Ben sleeps a few hours , kicks a few hours and then sleeps again . And he is turning too , first the kicks are quite low and then after a nap just under my ribs . This was worth the waiting : )

Still using the doppler , just lying down and listening to him move about and his little HB .

So far so good , no news aches or pains apart from swollen feet , keep checking my BP to make sure it's ok .